Security Blanket
by whiteplums76
Summary: When Nowaki hits Hiro-san, he finds solace at Akihiko's place. While there, he tries to figure out what to do; unfortunately, the feelings for his old love begin to resurface causing him more distress.
1. Chapter 1

**Pain  
**_**Security Blanket - Part I**_

He could still feel the sting. Placing one hand to his cheek, he took a small step backward.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he made a move toward him; his blue eyes were glistening. "Please." He begged as he held out his hands.

"Don't come near me." Although his voice was in a whisper, the anger and hurt was clear.

"It was an accident…I didn't mean to…hit you."

"Liar." He took another step back and turned.

"Hiro-san…please."

Hiroki stopped and felt Nowaki's presence approach him; when a soft hand touched his shoulder he jerked it off. Lowering his hand, he balled it into a fist attempting to control the tears that now invaded his eyes. He heard the faint sound of Nowaki sniffing.

"I would never hurt you." Nowaki stated with pain in his voice.

"So what was this?"

"An accident."

"Eh….some accident." He started to walk away, but Nowaki quickly threw his arms around him.

"GET OFF ME!" Hiroki flung his arms out, sending Nowaki backward; he turned and faced his long time love. He was breathing hard, but he couldn't control the tears that now slid down his cheeks. Even the pain in Nowaki's face did nothing for him.

"That's it Nowaki…I'm done."

"Hiro-san….no." Nowaki whispered as his heart began to break.

He watched as Hiroki turned. At first he was walking, but then his speed picked up and soon he was running. As his form disappeared down the lane, Nowaki fell to his knees, planting his hands onto the cold stone and lowered his head; the tears made splotches on the pavement.

**He didn't know he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes and sat up, raising both arms high in the air; the computer screen was dark so he hit the space bar to bring it back to life. His fingers were hovering over the keys when he heard it…the ringing of the doorbell.

"Now what?" He whispered as he got to his feet.

Reaching inside his pocket, he produced a cigarette and lit it; another chime from the bell and then a soft knock sounded as he made his way down the stairs.

"Hold on I'm coming!" He yelled as he reached the bottom.

He took a satisfying inhale as he opened the door; the cigarette almost fell from his mouth when he caught sight of his visitor. Although his head was down, he could still recognize his form.

"Hiroki…what are you doing here?" Akihiko stated in surprise.

"Can….can I come in?" Hiroki asked unable to face his past love.

"Yeah sure." Akihiko stood aside, allowing Hiroki to enter. "What brings you?"

Hiroki stood in the middle of the room; his hands hung limply at his sides and his head remained down, his hair covering a portion of his face.

"Hiroki?" Akihiko, with concern in his voice, came around to stand in front of Hiroki. He placed one hand on top of Hiroki's head and brought it up. He was surprised yet again.

"What happened to your face?"

Hiroki, touched by his tenderness, brought his arms around Akihiko and held him close; he laid his head in the middle of his chest and closed his eyes, enjoying the scent of him…even the smell of cigarette.

Akihiko, unsure how to respond, brought his arms around his old friend and held him. Soon, Hiroki started to shake which caused Akihiko to hold him tighter.

"What happened?" He whispered.

"He…he hit me." Hiroki sobbed into his shirt.

Akihiko stood back slightly and looked at him.

"What?"

"Nowaki…he hit me." Hiroki ran an arm across his face and then looked up; he was surprised to see the concern in his eyes. This touched him.

"Come on…I'll make some tea."

**Hiroki touched the tender side of his cheek once more as he listened to Akihiko moving around in the kitchen. He was sitting on the couch with his legs drawn up.

"Where's Misaki?" He asked out of habit even though at the moment he didn't care.

"Visiting his brother."

"Takahiro." Hiroki whispered to himself, not wanting Akihiko to overhear.

"Should be back soon." Akihiko brought a mug over and held it in front of Hiroki. "Here…drink this."

Hiroki took it, grazing Akihiko's fingers in the process; the contact sent shivers through him.

"Thanks." He whispered. He wrapped his hands around the mug, blew on the contents and took a small sip. Satisfied, he laid it in his lap. He noticed that Akihiko was sitting next to him…watching.

"When?" He asked.

"Today." Hiroki kept his gaze averted from Akihiko; his voice was stirring things inside him again.

"Was it the first time?"

"Yeah." He took another sip.

"You two had an argument?"

"A professor I work with was making comments again; Nowaki got…upset I guess."

"What kind of comments?"

"Does it matter?" He placed the mug on the table and brought his legs up to his chin; he wrapped his arms around them. "I've seen him angry before, but…he's never hit me."

Akihiko sighed, dispensed his cigarette and leaned back against the cushions; he threw one leg over the other and crossed his arms.

"What do you want to do Hiroki?"

Confused, Hiroki turned his head in his direction.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you want to press charges?"

"Charges…why? It was just this one time."

"Does he get angry often?"

Hiroki returned to his previous position.

"He's…insecure." He whispered.

"Doesn't give him the right to hurt you." Akihiko unfolded his arms and legs and scooted closer to Hiroki; he laid his left arm on the back of the chair and used his other hand to touch Hiroki's bruised left cheek.

He gently brought Hiroki's face around.

"No one has the right to hit you Hiroki." He said softly.

Hiroki was overcome by emotion. He made a tentative move inward wanting to kiss him, but Akihiko removed his hand and moved back. Embarrassed, Hiroki hid his face by wrapping his arms around his head.

"I'm sorry." His response was muffled because he had his face pressed into his knees.

Hiroki heard the low chuckle of Akihiko's laugh and then his hand once again touched his hair; he started to run his hand back and forth which made Hiroki look at him.

"If you don't want to go home you can stay here…it's no trouble. Just until you figure out what to do." Akihiko stated as he removed his hand.

"Thanks."

Hiroki wanted to say something else, but the buzzing in his pocket stopped him; he removed his phone and glanced at the screen. His face fell as he tossed it onto the coffee table. Curious, Akihiko leaned forward and saw that it was Nowaki calling.

Hiroki stared as the phone moved around the table…soon it stopped. Akihiko turned his gaze back to Hiroki, but the phone went off again. This time Akihiko picked it up and held it out to him.

"Don't you want to answer it?"

"You answer it."

Akihiko flipped open the phone and pressed it to his ear.

"Hello?" He paused briefly. He turned his gaze to Hiroki. "Hello?" He said again before closing the phone. "He hung up."

Hiroki's eyes sunk lower.

"Listen…Hiroki…" Akihiko began, but the phone buzzed once more…he answered. "Hello."

There was a brief pause before he spoke. "Is Hiro-san there?"

"Yes he is." Akihiko got up; Hiroki followed his movements as he stood, looking down at him. "He's asleep right now though."

"How is he?"

Akihiko paused briefly. "He's fine…as if you care."

"I love Hiro-san." Nowaki whispered with controlled anger.

"I didn't know love meant hitting someone."

Hiroki turned away from Akihiko, choosing to stare at his neglected mug.

"May I speak with Hiro-san….please?"

Akihiko smiled as he heard the attempt to control his anger.

"You appear to have anger issues."

"May I speak with Hiro-san?"

"I told you…he's asleep."

"Fine."

Akihiko brought the phone away as the click sounded in his ear; he closed it and dropped it onto the table. The loud clatter made Hiroki jump.

"What did he say?" He asked as he stared at the phone.

"He hung up. Won't be surprised if he shows up at my door." He retrieved the forgotten mug and walked into the kitchen. "Like I said, you can stay here until you decide what to do."

**He leaned closer…he was still there. Nowaki had arrived at the door, but didn't knock or ring the doorbell; a neighbor phoned Akihiko and mentioned they saw a tall man sitting on the floor across from his door. Not surprised, Akihiko glanced through peephole and saw Nowaki sitting crossed legged reading a book; he had a large bag sitting to his right and he was leaning onto it. His jacket was folded in his lap, but he still wore his scarf.

When Hiroki woke up, Akihiko mentioned in passing that Nowaki was waiting outside; this was in the afternoon. It was past midnight and Hiroki watched as Nowaki slept soundly on his bag; although deep down, he knew he wasn't asleep. Several times Hiroki would catch Nowaki's eyes open a fraction, apparently watching the shadows under the door.

Each time he looked through the peephole, he would see Nowaki watching…waiting. Once or twice he would turn off the lights and watch him sleep; Akihiko became annoyed with the lights game and ordered him to leave them off. Still…he watched his sleeping form.

"Hiroki."

Hiroki jumped at the sound of his voice; he turned to face an angrily Akihiko.

"Is he still out there?" Without waiting for a response, he looked through the hole angrily. "This is crazy. How long is he going to stay out there?"

"I don't know." Hiroki whispered as Akihiko stood back. "I'm sorry about this."

"Look, why don't you just talk to him; at least get him away from my door."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"Well, you have to do something. You can't hide here forever; if Misaki comes home and finds him there what am I supposed to say?"

Hiroki felt bad about putting him in this position; he balled his hands into fist and glanced at the door.

"You have options Hiroki." Akihiko stated with concern. "Give him a chance to explain himself."

"You're on his side?"

"I don't take sides Hiroki, but…he's out there for a reason and it doesn't look like he's going to leave unless you talk to him. So…talk to him."

Hiroki glanced down and then back to the door.

"If he's truly sorry he'll prove it."

Hiroki looked into Akihiko's sympathetic eyes.

**The sound of the door brought his eyes open. Sitting up, Nowaki wiped the sleep from his eyes; his mouth curved into a smile and his heart leapt with joy.

"Hiro-san." He spoke as he got to his feet.

Hiroki emerged from behind the door, but couldn't look at Nowaki. Nowaki and Akihiko faced one another, but neither spoke. Akihiko placed a hand on Hiroki's shoulder; Nowaki kept his face neutral as Akihiko squeezed it.

"If you need me…just call."

"Thanks." Hiroki whispered as the touch ended.

Akihiko glared at Nowaki before closing the door softly.

"Hiro-san." Nowaki whispered as he approached him, but Hiroki just turned and proceeded down the hall.

Without further comment, Nowaki picked up his belongings and followed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Truth  
**_**Part II – Security Blanket**_

Days after the incident, Hiroki found himself sleeping alone. Nowaki, by some strange coincidence, had to work the night shift every night since he returned home. He didn't know if he cared or not, but whenever he awoke and found his side of the bed empty he felt…abandoned.

Sitting up, he brought his knees to his chin, wrapped his arms around his legs and laid his chin on top.

After they returned home, Nowaki tried apologizing once more for hitting him, but Hiroki didn't want to listen. He went into their spare room and shut the door; when Nowaki knocked to inform him dinner was ready he ignored it. He stayed in that room for days, trying to understand what happened, but couldn't come to any conclusions; finally, when he thought he was finally alone, he emerged from the room only to find Nowaki sitting on the couch with his head down.

When the door opened, Nowaki's head jerked upward and he stood with a look of anxiety on his face.

"Hiro-san." He whispered as Hiroki made his way forward. It was night.

"I thought you had the night shift?" He asked, unable to look at him.

"I asked for the night off. Hiro-san…please…can we talk about this?"

Hiroki ran a hand through his hair, scratched the back of his head and closed his eyes. He shrugged before making his way to the couch; Nowaki sat slowly as Hiroki joined him, but he kept his eyes averted.

"Hiro-san…I'm sorry for what I did." Nowaki began. "I…didn't know what to make of…the situation."

Hiroki crossed his arms. "I've told you before Miyagi does that; why do you insist on getting bothered by it? Do you see me acting like that when Tsumori throws his arms around you?"

Hiroki chanced a look in his direction; Nowaki's eyes were sad.

"It's not necessary." Hiroki said quietly before turning away. He felt the cushions shift as Nowaki moved closer; he felt the soft touch of his hand on his arm. His eyes peered downward at the large hand tenderly touching his forearm.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Hiro-san. There are no words to express how sorry I am." He moved closer. "I would rather hurt myself."

The softness of his voice brought Hiroki's eyes to him; Nowaki had tears running down his cheeks. Hiroki felt a slight tug, but turned away quickly, snatching his arm in the process.

"I understand it'll take time." Nowaki began, deeply hurt by the rejection. "But…"

Hiroki brought his legs up and lowered his head to his knees.

"I just want to forget about it." Hiroki whispered.

Nowaki was surprised by the comment. He opened his mouth to respond, but a loud beep stopped him; Hiroki watched as he removed his pager.

"It's work…go." Hiroki stated before getting to his feet.

Nowaki quickly got up as well and took his arm gently.

"Hiro-san! Are we….okay?"

Hiroki stood there for a while, unsure about what to say.

"Hiro-san?"

"I'm cold." Is what he managed.

Gladdened by his response, Nowaki smiled as he threw his arms around him; he kissed the nape of his neck before bringing his mouth close to Hiroki's ear.

"I love you." He whispered as he tightened his grip.

Hiroki slowly brought his hands up and placed them on Nowaki's.

"You're going to be late."

Nowaki was soaring. He kissed Hiroki one final time before departing.

*After that, Nowaki continued to work late. Hiroki kept to his duties as Professor attempting to act normal, but in the back of his mind was Akihiko. He called several times to check up on him; whenever Nowaki was home, he would ignore the calls not wanting a repeat of what happened. When Nowaki would inquire about the missed calls, he would just ignore the question; deep down though, he figured Nowaki knew who was calling.

Nowaki was gone again, but Hiroki didn't want to stay home alone; he threw on some clothes and went out.

While he was walking the streets, he came across a bookstore he liked; wanting to gather more material for class, he walked in. As he stepped further into the building, he noticed several people lined up near a small table. He approached the counter.

"Excuse me, but what's going on over there?"

"Oh, Usagi is here signing a few books." He glanced at his watch. "He should hurry though, we're about to close."

Hiroki was surprised at the last comment; he checked his watch and noticed it was close to their closing time. Disappointed, he turned to walk out, but Akihiko's voice stopped him.

"Hiroki!"

Hiroki turned. Akihiko was running toward him. "Are you leaving?" He asked breathlessly.

"Yeah, didn't know it was close to closing time."

Akihiko smiled. "You're always in here…how could you not know?"

"Distracted I guess."

Several young girls were slowly approaching them.

"I tried calling you." Akihiko stated sadly. "How are you?"

Hiroki watched as the horde drew closer; he didn't want to look into his eyes, to see the tenderness there. His brief encounter with him left him…confused again.

"Your…fans." Hiroki pointed and Akihiko turned.

"I'm finished for tonight…want to take a walk?"

But Akihiko didn't wait for an answer; he took Hiroki by the arm and led him outside. For a while Hiroki allowed him to lead him down the dark street; his heart was pounding being this close to him, but soon the connection ended. Akihiko placed his hands deep within his pockets.

"How are you?" He asked after some time.

"Fine." Hiroki responded without looking at him.

"I was worried about you."

"Why?" Hiroki regretted it the moment the word escaped his lips.

"What do you mean…we're friends Hiroki."

Hiroki noticed Akihiko had stopped walking.

"Hiroki?" Akihiko approached him and touched his shoulder. "What's the matter?" He turned him around so he could face him.

Hiroki kept his head down, eyes closed as he felt Akihiko's closeness; he wanted so badly to touch him, to kiss him, to…to.

Akihiko brought him into an embrace and held him close.

"You could always talk to me." Akihiko declared, not knowing what his actions were doing to Hiroki.

Hiroki lifted his hands, placed them on Akihiko's chest and pushed softly. Surprised by the movement, Akihiko released his hold, looking at Hiroki with curiosity.

"I love you…Akihiko." Hiroki whispered. His head remained lowered.

"Hi…Hiroki?"

"I've loved you for so long….ever since…we were little. I've always loved you."

Akihiko wasn't surprised, but still…the confession stilled him. Hiroki finally lifted his head and faced him.

"Even when you still loved…Takahiro…I still carried a torch for you. I can't…can't move past you."

"Hiroki." There was pain as he said the name. "I…didn't…"

Hiroki approached him. "Why didn't you love me then? Why can't you love me now?"

"Hiroki…"

"STOP SAYING MY NAME! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO ME?"

Akihiko didn't know what to say or do; Hiroki's eyes filled with tears. Unable to look at him any longer, Hiroki turned and ran down the lane.

"WAIT!"

*Hiroki didn't stop until he was home; he opened the door and slammed it shut, throwing his body against the hard wood. He banged his fist several times before sliding to the floor.

The vibration is what woke him. Opening his eyes, he noticed he was still lying on the floor. Sitting up, he ran a hand across his face before retrieving his phone; he opened it and noticed several calls from Akihiko – he deleted them without listening. The final entry caught his attention – it was from the hospital where Nowaki interned.

He got to his feet as he retrieved the message.

I'm sorry to bother you, but…it's Tsumori…uh…could you call me back immediately? Nowaki's been…in an accident.

The word stopped him in his tracks. Accident? What kind? He pressed a button to listen to the message again thinking he was wrong.

"Accident?" He whispered.

Unsure whether Tsumori was playing some horrible joke, Hiroki dialed the hospital number.

"Yes…I'm looking for Nowaki Kusama…this is Hiroki Kamijou."

There a long pause on the other end; Hiroki's hand tightened on the phone.

"One moment please."

There was silence and then the soft voice of Tsumori was on the line.

"I'm glad I caught you…"

"Where is Nowaki?" He was almost screaming.

"Did you get my message?'

"Yeah…what happened…where is he?"

"He…was in an accident…"

"I HEARD THAT…WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?"

"He was on his way home when…a car hit him."

Pained seized his chest; Hiroki dropped to the floor.

"Is he…is he…"

"He's alive, but…in a coma. Massive head trauma they say."

Hiroki covered his face. "Which hospital?" He listened as Tsumori recited the name and room number. He hung up, the pain in his chest cutting off his breathing; he started to hyperventilate when a knock came to his door. Surprised, he rushed over.

"Nowaki." He opened the door to find Akihiko standing there.

Seeing the concern in his eyes was too much; Hiroki threw his arms around him and cried in his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Confession  
**_**Part III – Security Blanket**_

The beeping felt as if it was vibrating within his chest. As the steady rhythm of the machine continued, each sound felt like a knife slicing through him. He was standing at the foot of the bed; his arms hung loosely down his sides, his mouth was open a fraction and his body was slumped.

"This can't be happening." He whispered.

Nowaki had a large bandage wrapped around his head; part of it covered his left eye, but the other was exposed. Hiroki nearly choked at the dark bruise that sat there like a stain. Nowaki's large frame appeared smaller in the bed; he had on a hospital gown which exposed his forearms. Hiroki ran his eyes the length of the tube that ran to an IV bag situated over his head; for some reason he stared at it…waiting for something to happen.

"Hiroki?"

He turned his head toward the doorway and saw Misaki standing there; his large eyes turned down in concern. He slowly walked in and stood beside him. He placed a tender hand onto his back.

"Are you hungry?" He whispered, but Hiroki remained quiet.

Misaki looked from him to Nowaki unsure of what to do; he waited there a bit longer before leaving. Akihiko was sitting outside the room.

"Well?" He asked as Misaki sat next to him.

"He didn't answer me." He sighed and sat back. "He must be in shock." He whispered.

"I'm sure." He massaged his hands.

Misaki stared at him; he placed a hand onto his shoulder and started to make small circles.

"You don't have to stay Misaki." Akihiko stated softly as he brought Misaki's hand to his lips; he kissed it. "I'll stay with Hiroki."

Misaki sat up. "Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone."

Akihiko smiled before facing him. "I'm sure." He leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I'll be home in a little while."

Misaki touched his cheek and smiled before getting to his feet; Akihiko watched him leave sadly. He didn't want Misaki here when he spoke to Hiroki about what he said earlier; he wasn't sure how he would take it.

As he watched the elevator doors close, he got to his feet and turned in the direction of Nowaki's room…he almost bumped into Hiroki.

Akihiko placed both hands onto his shoulders and tried to peer into his eyes; Hiroki stared off into space.

"Come on, let's get something to eat." Akihiko wrapped an arm around his shoulder, leading him away.

*Not wanting anyone to overhear, Akihiko took their small meal of sandwiches outside; he sat beside Hiroki as he unwrapped it. Hiroki continued not to move or speak; he just stared at the wrapped parcel.

Waiting, Akihiko took a bite from his sandwich, frowned and spit out his portion; he threw it into a nearby trash can and settled for the small bag of chips he had. The sound it made caused Hiroki to jump slightly; confused, he turned his head and stared at Akihiko.

"What is it?" Akihiko asked with concern.

Hiroki's eyes were wide.

"What…what are you doing here?" He asked quietly.

Akihiko placed his chips on the other side of the chair.

"Don't you remember?" He asked with caution.

Hiroki glanced around.

"We're at the hospital." He faced Akihiko. "Are we waiting for Nowaki?"

He didn't know how to broach the subject.

"Where is Nowaki?" Hiroki asked.

"He…he was in an accident Hiroki."

"Accident…is he alright?"

Akihiko turned from him.

"Akihiko?"

The silence stretched on. Hiroki turned away as well and returned his gaze to the sandwich in his hands – he started to squeeze it. Akihiko watched as he pressed his fingers deeper into the soft meal, causing the bread and its contents to ooze out of their packaging.

"Stop." Akihiko tried to take the sandwich out of his grip, but Hiroki held on. "I said stop."

They struggled for it.

"STOP!" Akihiko snatched it out of his hands and threw it in the trash; Hiroki glared at him angrily. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Hiroki was breathing hard, but soon it began to subside. His face fell as he continued to stare at his old friend and lover.

"He's not going to die is he?" He whispered.

"The doctors are doing what they can."

"Thanks for staying." He tried to smile, but it was unsuccessful.

Akihiko returned the failed attempt.

"I better get back inside." Hiroki stood to his feet.

"Wait." Akihiko stood as well and faced him. "Before you leave…can we talk about something?"

"Sure."

"Would you mind walking?"

"Okay."

*They walked in silence for a while.

"So…what is it?" Hiroki finally asked.

"It's about what you said earlier."

"Oh." He paused briefly. "What about it?"

"How come you never told me?'

"Would it have mattered? You loved Takahiro…that's all you cared about."

"I care about you too."

"Not in the same way though…right?" Hiroki had stopped walking and was facing him now. "Why couldn't you love me? Why didn't you at least try?"

"Hiroki…I can't explain why. Takahiro was just…" He sighed. "I can't explain it."

"That time." Hiroki began. "We were together." Akihiko's eyes lowered. "You said his name over and over again…against my ear…each time you…"

"Hiroki stop." He turned away. "I'm sorry I started this conversation."

"Did I mean anything to you?"

"Of course you did…you still do." He almost yelled. "I care very much about you…especially now."

"You're just being kind…like you always are."

Akihiko almost smiled at the comment. "You're going through something horrible right now Hiroki." He whispered.

"I know." He glanced down. "But I'm here trying to find out why you couldn't love me."

"Does all of that matter now? We're both in relationships."

Hiroki clenched his fist, but Akihiko didn't notice.

"I can't…give myself to Nowaki."

Akihiko was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I've given him my body…my mind…but…something else still has my heart." He faced him. "Your very existence still haunts me; he's lying there in a coma and I'm out here talking to you…wanting you." He whispered the final line.

"Hiroki." Akihiko's whisper was filled with pain. "I don't know what to say."

Hiroki turned from him. "I'm scared." He whispered.

"I'm sure Nowaki will be fine."

"Not about that…about what I'm feeling." He faced him again. "I love Nowaki."

"That's good." He felt relief.

"But…I can't help feeling he'll…leave me."

"Why would he leave you? After what happened…"

"It doesn't matter what he says or does for me Akihiko; when I hear them the only thing I see is you."

This surprised both men.

"Whenever I see you with Misaki…it kills me. That he was able to break through your Takahiro obsession; what was so different about him?"

Akihiko kept quiet. Hiroki chuckled.

"It's pathetic isn't it? Nowaki deserves someone better, but you know what…I still love him. I can't bare the thought of someone else touching him…sleeping next to him…kissing him."

Akihiko began to shift on the spot; even though it was late, he noticed several people passing staring at them strangely.

"Hiroki, maybe this isn't the right time."

"I have to say this. You were all I thought about…all I wanted next to me. All of that changed that night we…made love." He looked away with embarrassment. "Maybe it was love on my part."

"Please…stop."

Hiroki stared at him; his face was etched with pain.

"I am so sorry for what happened." Akihiko began. "I knew how you felt about me; I always knew."

Hiroki's eyes grew wide in surprise. "What?"

"I never should have allowed it to get that far; I should have stopped you from the beginning, but….I needed to feel…something…someone next to me." Akihiko felt the tears sting his eyes. "Shit! I wanted Takahiro so badly that…damn Hiroki I am so sorry."

Akihiko dropped to his knees on the concrete and covered his face; Hiroki watched as he cried uncontrollably. He joined him and touched his shoulder; Akihiko raised his head and found himself staring at glossy rusty brown eyes.

"Don't cry Usami…that night I knew what I was getting into and I didn't care. You must have known that?'

"It doesn't matter. It was wrong to use you like that; we were friends and I treated you…like…"

"I guess I had hoped by touching me you would forget about Takahiro." He smiled. "Guess I was wrong huh?"

Akihiko lowered his hands.

"I tried Hiroki…believe me I did, but…"

Hiroki felt the sting of not being wanted by someone he craved so much, but then his mind began to revert back to Nowaki.

Nowaki wanted him…Nowaki loved him…Nowaki craved him…Nowaki cherished him.

The thought caused Hiroki to drop his hand and sit back on his knees; Akihiko looked on with worry.

"Are you alright?" He asked with genuine concern.

"I want to get back to Nowaki." He stood up and helped Akihiko to his feet. "You should go home to Misaki…he'll be worried."

"What about you?'

Hiroki's smile was crooked.

"Nowaki needs me right now and I need him. When he wakes up I want to be there."

Akihiko wiped his face and smiled down at him.

"I'm sorry for what happened between us Hiroki."

"You're a good friend Usami; even after our…encounter…you stayed my friend."

"I should say the same to you." He chuckled. "Will you let me know of any change?"

"Yeah."

"I'll walk with you back if you want?"

"No, you go home. I need time to myself anyway."

Akihiko nodded and brought his arms around Hiroki; he returned the gesture and was glad he didn't feel any longings from the contact.

*As he stepped off the elevator, Hiroki fluffed up the arrangement. He entered Nowaki's room slowly, hating the beeping noise that filled the still room.

"Nowaki, I brought your favorite. The same ones I bought you that first time." He placed the large arrangement carefully on the table situated next to his bed.

"Don't worry…I'll replenish them until you wake up."

Hiroki pulled a chair over and sat close to his bed; he gently picked up his hand and kissed the fingertips before pressing his cheek to it. Hiroki stared sadly at the bruise encircling his eye and the large bandage; strips of his hair were sticking out. His eyes filled with tears again as he continued to stare at him.

"Please wake up Nowaki…please." He kissed the tips again. "Nowaki…ga suki…suki."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Closure**_**  
****Part IV – Security Blanket**

He groaned softly as he went through the papers. His glasses slide down the bridge of his nose; using his index finger, he pushed them back and adjusted his sight once more. After some time he closed the folder and leaned back in his leather chair, resting both hands on his stomach. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Doctor?"

He removed his hand, but didn't replace his glasses; instead, he laid them gently onto his desk, sighed and rested his head in the palm of his hand. He lifted his gaze to the young nurse sitting across from him; she had a worried expression on her face and she held her clipboard close to her. She appeared to be sitting on the edge of her seat.

"Is he still here?" He asked with a hint of sadness.

"He hasn't left Doctor."

"What's his demeanor…do you know?"

"Hopeful…as always."

He lowered his hand and started to flap the edge of the folder absently; his eyes were elsewhere.

"You don't look happy Dr. Omata."

"Giving bad news is never a happy duty Sayuri." He said quietly.

She lowered her eyes and leaned back in her chair.

"Could you tell him I need to speak with him please?' He sat up and replaced his glasses.

"Yes Doctor." Sayuri got up and slowly made her way out the door.

She found him in his usual spot; sitting next to the bed, one leg tossed over the other. One hand holding a book while the other held his hand; he was reading to him once again.

She smiled sadly at the scene. She knocked softly on the doorframe. Hiroki, who was wearing his glasses, looked up.

"Yes nurse?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, but Dr. Omata would like a word."

"Of course." He closed his book, removed his glasses and stood. He leaned close to Nowaki and kissed his cheek. "I'll be back."

"Which book is it today?" She asked when he was next to her.

"Just something I thought he'd like. Did the doctor say why he wanted to see me?"

They were walking down the hall now.

"Not really…just up ahead."

"Thanks Sayuri." He smiled as he proceeded onward.

He reached his office and knocked softly.

"Come in." Dr. Omata bellowed.

Hiroki slowly stepped in; he found the man standing by a large window. He had his back to the door and his hands were positioned behind his back.

"You wanted to see me?" He asked as he made his way in.

"Close the door please." Omata stated without turning.

Hiroki apprehensively obeyed; Omata then turned once he heard the soft click of the lock.

"Please, have a seat."

"If you don't mind Doctor, could you just spit it out?"

"Of course." Omata said softly. He laid his hands inside his coat pockets. "There's never an easy way to say this Mr. Kamijou." He noticed how Hiroki's throat jumped. "I'm afraid Mr. Kusama isn't getting any better."

"It's only been four months." Hiroki said quietly.

"He's not responding to our tests Mr. Kamijou; the seizure he had three months ago may have caused more damage."

"Did…" Hiroki swallowed hard. "Did you find anything…abnormal?"

"Not according to his latest test, but…"

"Then you can't be sure he won't wake up."

"Mr. Kamijou…we had to intubate him so he could breath. That's usually not a good sign."

Hiroki had to sit down; his body was shaking all over. He laid his elbows on the arms of the chair and started to pick at his nails; he kept his head down.

"What are you suggesting?" He asked with terror in his heart.

Dr. Omata sat at his desk, opened Nowaki's folder and pulled out a sheet; he held it out to Hiroki who took it with shaky hands.

"It's a DNR." Hiroki's head shot up. "We want you to sign it."

"HELL NO!" He got to his feet and threw the paper onto the desk. "I AM NOT GIVING UP ON HIM!"

"I can understand your…"

"NO YOU CAN'T! ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS KILL HIM!"

"That is not what I want Mr. Kamijou and could you please lower your voice? Mr. Kusama's seizure was very serious; we're not sure what kind of damage it may have done to his brain. All the tests came back negative…'

"That should tell you he's alright." He said with desperateness.

"It tells us nothing right now. He's been unresponsive since the accident; you've been here everyday…has he ever responded to you during that time?"

Omata's words sounded harsh, but the softness of his tone said otherwise.

"Do more tests…please." Hiroki begged. "Give it more time." He laid his hands on the desk.

Omata stared at him sadly.

"Mr. Kamijou, if Nowaki doesn't show any improvement." He paused. "I can refer you to a few hospices who specialize in taking care of people in his condition."

Hiroki stood up straight, the corners of his eyes burning.

"Alright…thank you."

Omata watched him as he headed for the door.

"Mr. Kamijou." Hiroki faced him. "Whether you believe me or not…I do understand what you're going through and I'm sorry."

Hiroki just nodded before leaving.

*It's been four months since Nowaki's accident and three since the seizure. Hiroki, laying his face in his palm thought back to that moment.

He was reading to him again. Ever since the accident and his confession to Akihiko, he's practically lived at the hospital. He went to Mr. Takatsuki, the Dean of Literature and requested to use his vacation time…all three months of it. He wanted to spend every waking moment with Nowaki. After a few nights there, the nurses offered to bring in another bed for him so he could sleep; he used Nowaki's room as his own little hotel. He had his computer set up, most of his clothes sat in the closet…right beside Nowaki's.

The food didn't appeal to him so he went across the street to a small café and brought his food back; pulling the chair and table next to Nowaki, he ate in silence. He's also been replenishing the flowers; every time they would die he would bring in another bouquet just like it. The nurses were touched by this and said so.

On other occasions, he would bring a different book to read to him as well; he managed to find titles he thought Nowaki would find interesting. It was during one of his reading sessions that it happened.

His left hand was holding his as usual when it jerked; surprised and believing he was finally waking up, Hiroki quickly turned in his direction.

"Nowaki?"

His voice had hope, but as the jerking motion continued he became worried. Nowaki's head was twisted at an odd angle and his entire body started shaking.

"Nowaki?" Hiroki stood back and watched frozen with fear as it continued. "NOWAKI!"

His scream brought in the nursing staff; they pushed Hiroki out the way as they tried to tend to him. Hiroki couldn't do anything, but watch.

When it was over, Nowaki had a tube down his throat. Dr. Omata said that he wasn't breathing on his own anymore; this sent pain through him, pain like he's never felt before. After the seizure, he never left his side…not even to eat; Sayuri was happy to bring him food whenever he needed it, but after a while she volunteered to sit with Nowaki while he grabbed some air. Although he didn't want to leave his side, she insisted.

*Hiroki had his eyes closed when the low squeal of a door brought them open. Standing before him was the dean of Literature.

"Mr. Takatsuki." Hiroki quickly got to his feet.

"Come in."

Hiroki followed without comment; when Takatsuki sat behind his desk, Hiroki remained standing.

"Do you want to sit?" He asked.

"No sir."

"Hm…How is…Nowaki?" Hiroki remained quiet. "Yes well, I'm sorry for what you're going through Kamijou…I mean that sincerely."

"Thank you." Hiroki finally sat, rubbing his hands on his pants. "I want to get back so…"

"Of course." He leaned forward, laid his arms on the desk and laced his fingers. "I've asked you here because I needed to know how you're going to proceed with your post here."

"Sir?'

"You've used up the last of your vacation time last month Hiroki. You've been leaving early or not coming in at all; I understand that you're at the hospital, but…you still have a job here."

"I can't leave his side Dean."

Takatsuki sighed. "I don't want to seem insensitive, but…how is you being there every waking day helping him? I'm sure he would want you to continue working."

Hiroki gripped the chair handles.

"I have to be there when he wakes up." He stated with controlled anger.

"Kamijou…listen to me. Your post here is in jeopardy."

"DO YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT THAT?" He was now standing, unable to control his anger any longer. "Nowaki is more important to me right now; give my position to someone else…I don't care. I will NOT leave his side until he wakes up."

Takatsuki was surprised by the outburst; he's known Hiroki for some time and never seen him like this before. Hiroki's eyes were boring into him angrily; Takatsuki leaned back and ran a hand down the length of his face.

"You're a good professor Kamijou…despite your reputation." He tried to laugh, but the humor was lost on Hiroki.

"Look, I'll give you as much time as you may need; I can find someone to take over for you until you get back. But you have to understand…this is only temporary."

"I thought I made myself clear Dean. You can give my job to someone else if it'll ease your decision; I'm not asking you to wait for me…do what you feel is best. That's exactly what I'm doing."

Hiroki, finished listening, turned and walked out.

*As Hiroki was standing up to Takatsuki, Sayuri was checking on Nowaki. The moment Hiroki declared how important Nowaki was to him, his pinky jerked. Sayuri, her back to him, didn't notice.

*Days after his meeting with Takatsuki, Hiroki decided to stop by their apartment; when he entered the room, he found a mess on his hands. The place was covered in dust, a foul odor was permeating throughout and letters were stacked high; he almost had a hard time entering.

He shoved the mail to one side and started rooting around for whatever was causing the smell. As he cleaned, he would call in every half hour to check on Nowaki; Sayuri, although glad, was getting frustrated.

"No change since the last time you called."

He could hear the frustration in her voice and apologized for it; he couldn't help it though. He rushed with the cleanup, but a soft knock caught his attention; he turned, forgetting he left the door wide open. Akihiko stood in the doorway looking at him curiously.

"I thought you'd be at the hospital?" He asked as he entered.

"Why…did something happen?" He asked anxiously.

"I don't think so…I was just driving by and saw your car." He paused briefly. "How is he?"

"The same."

Hiroki never told Akihiko about the seizure.

He was rewrapping the cord of the vacuum when Akihiko approached him; he touched his arm. Hiroki faced him.

"I'm concerned about you; I heard the dean almost fired you."

"Word gets around fast." He turned, taking the vacuum with him. "I used up my vacation time so he wanted to know if I wanted to continue teaching there."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him to kiss my ass…I'm not leaving Nowaki's side until he wakes up." He faced Akihiko and crossed his arms.

"But you can't just stop living."

"I have money saved up; besides, I can get another job…no problem."

He moved toward the kitchen and started to remove the cleaning supplies; Akihiko approached him slowly.

"Do you think Nowaki would approve of this?" He said quietly.

Hiroki paused in his actions and faced him.

"Why are you bringing him into this Usami?" His voice was quiet, but there was anger behind it.

Akihiko placed his hands onto the counter.

"I just want you to think about him."

"I think about him all the time…every second of my life is filled with him." He shrugged. "Me quitting has nothing to do with him."

"Would he have wanted you to do this? He knew how much you loved your job."

"Why are talking about him in the past tense?" Hiroki asked quietly.

Akihiko looked confused. "I'm sorry…habit I guess; but look, Hiroki…"

"Thanks for caring about me Usami, but I'm fine." He had a bucket in his hands. "I have to get this done then head back."

"Hiroki." He whispered, but Hiroki kept his back to him as the bucket slowly filled with water.

"Call me of any change." Akihiko whispered before leaving; when he heard the soft click of the door he shut off the water and stared at the clear liquid.

*He chose another book while he was home. He berated himself for taking forever with cleaning the house, but he wanted it just right for when Nowaki came home; as he cleaned he thought about what the Doctor mentioned about transferring Nowaki to a hospice. He would never do that. Hiroki decided that if Nowaki never woke up, he would take care of him himself; he would bring him home and nurse him. Nothing mattered to him anymore…nothing but Nowaki.

His eyes were getting tired; night had fallen and the room was growing darker. He removed his glasses and raised his arms.

"I need to rest my eyes Nowaki." He stated. "Is that alright?"

He turned toward his sleeping form and drew back in shock. The bandage that covered a portion of his head was removed two months ago; Nowaki's eyes were open wide in shock, moving frantically from left to right.

"Nowaki." He whispered.

Nowaki raised his arms, clawing at his throat; his face took on a look of panic as he tried to sit up. Hiroki rushed forward and tried to hold him still; Nowaki grabbed his forearms making gaging noises.

"HELP ME!" Hiroki screamed. "SOMEBODY!"

Within seconds, Sayuri, along with some other nurses ran into the room. Seeing the struggling patient, one nurse ran back out while the others tried to hold him still. Hiroki moved out the way. Doctor Omata arrived a short time later.

Omata pushed around several of the nurses and tried to hold down Nowaki. His movements were getting wilder as he tried to get up.

"Nowaki, you need to calm down. We need to get…"

Nowaki swung his arm out toward Omata, hitting him across the face. His hands clawed at his throat trying to remove the tube himself.

"NOWAKI!"

Suddenly his movements stopped. He was whimpering as his eyes locked with Hiroki's; he was standing at the foot of the bed, his face a mask of seriousness.

"Listen to me. You need to let the doctors do their job; you have a tube down your throat and they need to get it out. Alright?"

Nowaki settled back, still struggling to breath. Hiroki approached one side of the bed, a nurse allowed him through; he took Nowaki's hand and squeezed.

Omata unlocked the device from the machine and held one hand near Nowaki's mouth and the other at the end of the tube.

"When I say, I want you to let the gag reflex do their job." Omata started. "Okay…now."

He pulled the tube out quickly, Nowaki coughing in the process nearly choking as it scraped against his throat.

"Just let it out." Omata coaxed as he continued to cough. Hiroki's hand tightened on his.

When it subsided, Nowaki closed his eyes and laid his head on the pillow; a tender hand to his forehead brought them back open. Hiroki leaned in and kissed the top of his head.

"Ai-shiteru." He whispered.

*He reached up and pulled a flower out of the bunch. Smiling, he held it to his nose and inhaled. A month's gone by since he woke up; Hiroki never left his side during his recuperation. He found out from a nurse named Sayuri that he was there everyday, even staying over; this touched Nowaki deeply.

Whenever he woke up he found Hiroki lying at his bedside, a book in his hand; every morning and every night before he went to sleep Hiroki would proclaim his love. Nowaki was surprised at the change in him; was almost losing him the cause for this transformation? If so, was he glad or sad that it took a moment like this for Hiroki to finally express himself? The thought saddened him.

"I thought you would like them?"

Nowaki turned and found a concerned Hiroki standing at the door; he had on a small hat, which he removed as he entered.

"They're the same ones I brought when you passed that exam remember?" He kissed his cheek before sitting beside him.

Nowaki watched as the flower moved as he twirled it.

"I love them Hiro-san."

"I miss hearing that name."

Nowaki's head came up at the sound of his voice; Hiroki leaned in and kissed his lips softly. He was surprised to see Nowaki's cheeks turn pink. He patted his head gently before dropping it.

"If you like them why do you look so sad?" Hiroki asked.

Nowaki replaced the flower and stared at it; he could feel Hiroki's hands touch his.

"You're quite…vocal now." He faced him. "With your feelings."

Nowaki had to whisper because his throat was still sore, but Hiroki could hear the sadness behind it.

"Have the tables turned?' He tried to smile, but Nowaki's stony face made it hard. "I had…a revelation while you were….asleep." Hiroki stated as he gazed down at their interlaced fingers.

"A revelation?" Nowaki urged.

"Yeah." Hiroki lifted his gaze. "The things that kept me from expressing myself…they're gone now."

"You mean with Akihiko?" Hiroki nodded. "What happened between you two?" Nowaki lowered his gaze.

Hiroki placed his fingers under his chin and guided his head upward.

"We cleared the air." A brief smile crossed his face. "I realized that…what I was looking for…in him…I already had in you."

Nowaki's cheeks burned. How odd he felt; why was he nervous? His stomach started to jump.

"Did it take this happening for you to open your eyes?" Nowaki finally asked with a slight challenge in his voice.

"I hate to admit it, but…yeah." He lowered his hand. "I'm ashamed for it too. I've been hurtful to you all this time when all you've given me was your love."

"You were hurt before…I understand that."

"But still….it doesn't excuse things. You were there for me 100% of the time and I was there…well, not that much."

"According to the staff you never left." Hiroki looked up and found him smiling. "Stayed here all that time…what about your job?"

Hiroki managed a soft chuckle. "Just like you to be concerned about that."

"Hiro-san?"

"Don't worry about it." He touched his cheek.

Nowaki brought his hand up and gripped his. "Tell me. You didn't risk your position for me did you?" His silence angered Nowaki; he removed his hand. "Why would you do that?"

Hiroki was confused as he lowered his hand. "I couldn't leave you."

"Your work is important to you."

"You're important to me and why are we arguing about this anyway? It's just a job…I can find another."

"That's not the point Hiro-san." He started to cough.

Hiroki quickly retrieved a small cup of water and handed it to him.

"Don't try to talk so much Nowaki…your throat still needs to heal."

Nowaki lowered the cup and tried to control his breathing.

"I never wanted you to give that up." Nowaki stated softly.

Hiroki touched his hands. "Like I said…I can get another one." When he didn't respond he touched his cheek once more. "Hey." He guided his head up. "Don't worry about it…okay?"

Nowaki managed a small smile; Hiroki leaned in and kissed him once more.

"I need to check with the doctor; I want to know when I can finally get you home." He looked into his eyes. "Do you need anything before I leave?'

"No…thank you."

"I'll be back."

Hiroki got up.

"Hiro-san?" He turned. "Ai-shiteru."

Hiroki smiled, his heart soaring, as he made his way out.

**I hope you enjoyed this Four part One-Shot. I must admit I wasn't going to continue after the first one, but the temptation was too great, not to mention the reviews I received for it. Their story is one of my all-time favorites.**

**Just for GP:**

'_**Ga suki'**_** is actually not used for extremely serious relationships which I found odd, but I still love how Nowaki says it. **

'_**Ai-shiteru'**_** is only used in extremely serious relationships which I thought was perfect after Hiro-san's revelation. **

**Thanks again for reading!**


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